How to make every day easier, richer and more successful? A life coach reveals some of her trade secrets
You have run the gamut of therapy, bashed the living daylights out of your pillows and read every self-help book from Feel the Fear And Do It Anyway to You Can Heal Your Life – so what help can a coach possibly offer you?
Unlike conventional therapists, a life coach is a mentor, confidant and personal development trainer rolled into one. The idea behind a life coach is to help you develop a deeper understanding of yourself and enhance the quality and success of your personal, professional and family life.
While therapy can have benefits it can also take years for someone to heal early life experiences or adult issues. A well-qualified, effective life coach will introduce you to new and different methods to resolve issues and achieve the results you want from life sometimes in a matter of hours -although it can take a few months to achieve some goals. A life coach’s job is to help you focus on goals in specific areas of your life such as relationships, career, or creativity, and gain a more comprehensive understanding of the power of your mind and how it effects your beliefs, attitudes, behaviour and ultimately your self-esteem, confidence and performance.
Coaching sessions vary depending on the background of the coach and the needs of the client. For example, if a fear that you’re not good enough is holding you back from achieving your goals, your coach might start by looking at where you go that idea from. In other cases the emphasis may be on learning how to manage stress and time and create more balance in life.
Before you hire a life coach, be sure to check their credentials. Claiming the title of life coach doesn’t necessarily qualify or equip someone to take on the role. Life coaches can be professionals with a background in psychology, personal and professional development and very often Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) and Hypnosis.
While qualifications are an important factor, equally important is a strong rapport and sense of trust. Remember this is a warts-and-all situation, so make sure you interview your prospective life coach over the phone to determine whether or not you can establish a professional relationship.
There are many ways to help you banish limiting beliefs and progress towards your goals in life, and methods which can help you exorcise your fears and build your self-esteem. Following is a taster of some fundamental life-coaching principles.
What a life coach CAN do for you
Increase confidence and self esteem
Accelerate the realisation of your goals
Teach you to communicate more effectively and confidently
Suggest strategies to reduce stress and manage your time efficiently manage time
Help you enhance the quality of your intimate relationships
Encourage you to release negative emotions and change bad habits
What a life coach CAN’T do for you
Provide a quick fix for your problems
Take responsibility for your actions
Make your decisions for you
Rescue you
Manage your affairs
Do the work for you
VALUE YOURSELF
Decide what’s important to you, what drives you. Ask yourself what has meaning for you. When you build a value system based on your integrity rather than the expectations of others then you will discover life flows more easily. When you establish your values you step on to an important rung on the ladder of success.
MIND YOUR LANGUAGE
Thou shalt not say should to thyself or others. How many times have you said,” I should go to the gym”, or “ I should be a better listener”? Should is a conditional word and saturated with guilt, so it’s time to exorcise should and other confidence killers like never and always (generalisations), but (the negator), just (the minimiser) and try (the defeatist) from your vocabulary. You can replace never and always with rarely and often and but with and or however. When you mind your language you change your mind, behaviour and then your outcomes.
MENTAL HOUSE KEEPING
Think of your brain as a computer and of your thoughts, beliefs and attitudes are the programs that make up the software. The old stored programs and emails are messages from parents, teachers, clergy, friends and lovers. Messages like “Forget being a neurosurgeon, you’re not clever enough”; or “Artist? Well if you want a life of poverty go ahead”; and of course the proverbial, “Eat all the food on your plate or you won’t grow big and strong” (i.e. overweight with an eating disorder and wondering why). Time to delete any unwanted files and empty the trashcan!
TAKE STOCK
What are your liabilities and assets? Take some time out to examine yourself and determine what you have of to offer. Love, time and energy are valuable currencies not to mention loyalty, reliability, commitment, courage and intuition. Sometimes when people make it in the material world it is at the expense of being spiritually and emotionally bankrupt. In today’s market, emotional and spiritual intelligence is sort after “commodities”.
TRUST YOUR INTUITION
Learning to trust your intuition takes practice, just like anything else. Intuition is like a muscle-exercise it often and it will become stronger. Relax, ask a question and wait for the answer. It may come as a feeling, an image or a voice. Keep a record of your insights. If you want to improve your dream recall, read a book about dreams before going to sleep.
WHERE INTENTION GOES, ENERGY GOES
Are you a good starter and a poor finisher? Your desire to have, be or do something is an intention and where intention goes energy goes. Knowing why you want it and what will be different in your life when you get it can help you focus and produce positive results.
EXPRESS YOURSELF
It certainly worked for Madonna and it can work wonders for you! Sing in the shower, write, paint, dance, cook, wear outrageous clothes- and while you’re doing it say no to the inner critic and really let go. Creativity is synonymous with spirituality. When you express yourself you develop a greater sense of “self” and provide a vehicle to drive out negative emotions such as anger, guilt or fear.
NOTHING COMPARES TO YOU
So your best friend is thinner than you are, but you are richer than she is and way more clever. Stop! When you compare yourself to others there will always be someone greater/lesser than you. Focus on your strengths. Maybe you have great eyes and you are a good listener. Acknowledge your achievements.
TAKE A LONG HARD LAUGH AT YOURSELF
When was the last time you laughed so much you cried? Sometimes we can take life and ourselves too seriously. Laughter can be contagious, infectious and irresistibly attractive. It has been prescribed as powerful medicine to heal the mind, body and soul. Remember she who laughs last, laughs longest.
BE GRATEFUL
Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Being grateful for who you are and what you have can generate more prosperity and happiness in your life. Write down 20 things that you are grateful for. Before you go to sleep at night, acknowledge what you are grateful for that day: achieving deadlines, being a good friend or perhaps resolving a conflict.
GET A FEMTOR
While you are relaxing in a comfortable chair, imagine the women (living or deceased) that have made an impression on you. They might be politicians, athletes, or a friend or relative. Think about the qualities they have that you admire in them, then go forth and emulate. Choose one quality to focus on each week, such as, “This week I will be more compassionate”
CHANGE YOUR DIET
Stop living on excuses, fear and procrastination. Marinate your brain cells in positive thinking everyday. Learn to digest new ideas and eliminate unwanted beliefs. Develop a strong taste for activities that build mental and emotional well-being as well as physical fitness.
GET OFF “SOME DAY” ISLE
It’s the favourite daydream destination for many. Sound familiar? “Some day I’ll go to yoga”, “Someday, I’ll write a book”, “Someday I’ll go on a holiday”. If procrastination is the thief of time, Some day Isle is the thief of dreams. So how do you escape it? As they say in the world of sport, “Just Do It!”